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A Sitter’s Creed for the beginning of football season

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A Sitters Creed for the beginning of football season

My fellow Americans, I have uncovered a grave injustice in our society. Grave! While you were busy indulging in the spoils of your cushy life of privilege – new cars, shiny phones, free bagels in the break room – Oppression of the worst kind has been occurring. And I, Dan Alexander, have made it my mission, my life’s new purpose, to raise awareness of this persecution. I must warn you, opening this box will forever change the way you view the world around you. You simply cannot unlearn this truth.

It has come to my attention that there is a gender problem in America, and once again it involves the police. I have uncovered a most oppressive NEW scandal that will surely prove once and for all that those bullies in blue are indeed the bigots we suspected. While you were savoring an extra slice of pizza at your kid’s birthday party, cops were out popping off their guns in a crazed frenzy over one specific group of people: men. That’s right! 95% of all humans shot by police are male. Yet, men only make up 49% of the American population. Do the math. This can only mean one thing: Cops. Are. Sexist. And guess what – it doesn’t even matter that some of the cops doing the shooting are male – it’s still… SEXIST. Men – let us all band together and refuse to stand during the national anthem until this oppression has stopped.

But wait! It doesn’t end there. I also learned from a Thomas Sowell column of another scandal. If we are going to end oppression, we must end ALL kinds of oppression. And I, for one, will not be content to let another minute of this bigotry continue. Brace yourselves, this one is hard to swallow. As Sowell pointed out, blacks make up only 13% of the American population, yet blacks in the NBA are called for fouls waaay more than 13% of the time! It’s outrageous! While you were sitting there in your not-quite-club-section-but-still-better-than-nosebleed seats munching on nachos, racism was occurring right in front of your eyes. Yet you did NOTHING. You even cheered! Feel bad now? You should. Let us all take a knee in solidarity until this systemic oppression by those racist referees has been put behind us.

You thought I was done? Not even close. I was just working my way up to the worst offenders. Those first two were microaggressions compared to this, the most egregious of them all. Thanks to Sebastian Maniscalco for bringing this to my attention.  There’s no way to sugar coat this, so I’ll just come out with it… 51% of Americans are women. Yet, women are TARGETED disproportionately more than men by aggressive mall kiosks selling anti-aging cream! While you were staring at the giant chocolate chip cookie store, the woman on your arm was being accosted by salesmen in white gowns with gobs of facial cream on their fingers! Did they come at YOU with that cream? No, they only single out women! Chauvinistic pigs. This will not stand. This aggression against women will not stand! And I will not stand until it is made right.

You read that right…. I am vowing to sit, not just during the national anthem, but during all anthems, hymns, and songs that refer to men, basketball, or women. What say you, Colin? You seem to be sitting a lot these days… Why not take a seat for all injustice! Let us unite, and together we can squash this oppression with the power of our buns!

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Entertainment and Sports

Jon Cryer announced as Lex Luthor on Supergirl and the internet goes crazy

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Jon Cryer announced as Lex Luthor on Supergirl and the internet goes crazy

If you weren’t impressed by Jesse Eisenberg playing one of the most iconic villains in comic and movie history, stand by. Your mind is probably about to be blown.

The next actor to take on the role will be Jon Cryer of Two and a Half Men fame. The comedian had taken on many supporting roles through a long career before landing the CBS gig. Now he’s going to play the bald baddie in the CW show Supergirl.

Twitter wasn’t impressed.

My Take

I like this move for one reason and one reason only. It can’t get any worse than the initial reaction. All he has to do is be pretty good at the role and everyone will say, “Hmmm, not bad. Wasn’t expecting that.”

I’m not a fan of the show so I can’t really express a valid opinion. All I can say is that moves like these generally turn out to be okay. Remember the backlash against Hugh Jackman as Wolverine?

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Entertainment and Sports

Jack Reacher reboot: Smaller screen, bigger actor

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Jack Reacher reboot Smaller screen bigger actor

Tom Cruise is one of the biggest actors in the world when it comes to popularity and recognition. He’s also one of the shortest leading men in Hollywood, stretching to hit 5’7″.

His two-movie portrayal of Jack Reacher was enjoyed by many fans, including the book series’ writer, but there was something missing – about 10 inches. In the books, Reacher was described as 6’5″ with hands the size of dinner plates.

There will be no more Jack Reacher movies. There will be a new actor to play the role. The next version of the drifting former major in the military police will come to us through the small screen, almost certainly as a streaming show on Netflix or Amazon.

“Cruise, for all his talent, didn’t have that physicality,” series creator Lee Child told BBC.

So, who could replace Cruise?

The next Jack Reacher

We know Reacher’s character is tall intimidating. He is physically fit and can handle himself well in most fights.

Age isn’t much of a factor. He left the military at age 36, so they have a lot of flexibility depending on which stage they want the story to be picked up.

He’s American, Caucasian, and generally jovial except when he’s kicking butt. He’s blond in the books, but that’s malleable.

So, here’s a list of people who fit the bill. Some of them are hard to imagine playing a television role, but it’s 2018. That’s much more common in the streaming age. A-list actors don’t consider television a downgrade the way they used to.

In order from my favorite to least favorite choice for the role…

  1. Vince Vaughn
  2. Adam Baldwin
  3. Liam Hemsworth
  4. Joe Manganiello
  5. Billy Campbell
  6. Armie Hammer
  7. John Corbett
  8. Ben Affleck

Anyone who balks at Vince Vaughn playing the tough guy as Jack Reacher hasn’t seen Brawl In Cell Block 99.

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Entertainment and Sports

Golden State Warriors to sell $100 monthly passes that don’t have a view of the court

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Golden State Warriors to sell 100 monthly passes that dont have a view of the court

Some people want to see a basketball game live. Others will have to be satisfied with a view of a television screen in a bar at Oracle Arena. To get that honor, fans will have to pay $100 a month for a pass.

If that seems crazy, consider this: There are 44,000 people on the Golden State Warriors’ season pass waiting list and they’re about to sell out their 300th consecutive home game.

Admittedly, the atmosphere at the stadium is wonderful. Feeling the floor rumble after a huge dunk is great. But dealing with parking, crowds, lines at the bathroom, and $13 cans of beer may not be worth the $100 per month. Then again, they expect to sell out these passes as well, so who knows?

I’m happy with my grocery store cans of beer, parking in my driveway, shorter lines to the restroom, and a big plasma screen for the game.

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