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Two horror flicks that should never have been made

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Two horror flicks that should never have been made

When I was younger, I read Stephen King’s “It.” That book is a PTSD diagnosis in paperback. I have never forgotten certain lines in it, like “the baby farted” when King described a particularly evil teenage psychopath recalling suffocating his infant brother. The book is as dark and unrelenting as Pennywise.

My sister-in-law read it about the same time I did, and to this day, if I say to her “we all float down here,” she’ll slap me across the face and not speak to me for months. “It” is one of those books that the world could have done without, and Stephen King could have done without writing.

Michael O’Sullivan of the Washington Post called the movie “a waking nightmare, curated from a catalogue of horror-movie tropes.” He missed mentioning that most of the horror-movie tropes in the last 30 years were invented from the minds of people who read “It” in 1986.

Call it a symphony of orchestral meta-horror, an elaborate waking nightmare in which you, as the dreamer, are constantly reminded of what the film is trying to do, and yet are powerless to stop it.

“It” is a psychotically evil force or terror, and without regard to how technically well-done it is as a movie (versus the Tim Curry made-for-TV version), I think we could all have gone on with life if it had never been made.

The second film of the “shouldn’t have made” genre is Climate Change Pope Al’s “An Inconvenient Sequel.” This is a movie, which before it was released, garnered enough negative reviews from people who had never seen it, that if there were a poll done before it was made, no filmmaker in his right mind would attempt it. But they didn’t make this film to be commercially successful.

Like “It,” a nightmare on Gore Street was made as a catharsis of the soul, to rid it of evil once and for all. Once made, the existence of this religious talisman divided the audience like a knife.

Of the 2,645 IMDb users who rated the film as of August,2 over 38 percent gave the film a 1 out of 10. Of those same 2,645 IMDb users, just under 34 percent gave the film a 10 out of 10. In short: 72 percent of people who rated the movie gave it an extreme score, a 1 or a 10.

(FiveThirtyEight)

The reception to “An Inconvenient Sequel” lays on three major divides: (1) critics vs. audiences, (2) people who saw the movie vs. those who did not, and (3) men vs. women. It’s frankly impressive for a single film to stand astride so many fault lines. But if you’re a casual moviegoer quickly checking IMDb to see if “An Inconvenient Sequel” is worth checking out, you wouldn’t know any of that. You’d think it was just a dumpy movie — the “Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo” of climate documentaries.

The TL;DR version:

  • Critics (who tend to be liberal artsy journalists) loved it. Commonfolk not so much.
  • 62% of IMDB reviews were already done before the film was widely released on Aug. 4. “It’s hard to believe that each and every one of those pre-release reviews is bona fide, especially on a politicized film like this.”
  • Women liked it, men not so much

Yes, folks, “An Inconvenient Sequel” blew the curve for movie ratings, and some people think that’s unfair. But this wasn’t really a documentary as much as a it was a religious film. It would be like Mel Gibson making “The Passion of the Christ: Part 2”: Either you believe it or you don’t.

Nobody would make a movie showing 90 minutes of an empty tomb. To those who are not fully convinced that every global disaster, storm and the death of the bees is the result of cow flatulence and motorcycle exhaust, Gore’s sequel has all the attraction of a morgue.

“It” should not have been made for the same reason as “An Inconvenient Sequel.” Nobody who sees either movie could possibly leave the theater with a smile, and both movies should come with a warning: “May cause nightmares.”

No thanks.

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Culture and Religion

World made dumber by leftist Lil Dicky ‘Earth’ video

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World made dumber by leftist Lil Dicky Earth video

This is perhaps the worst song I’ve heard since the Mo Bama song. Music has truly descended into the cultural depths never ventured by previous generations. This is not art, rather its propaganda complied by the biggest names in the Pop/Rap music and whomever Lil Dicky is. The song is a call for action to stop climate change but is perhaps the least compelling argument for action I’ve ever seen. If this is what planet earth, sign us up for SpaceX trip to Mars.

One sign of trash music is autotune, because talented musicians never use autotune. But the only compelling reason this song offer for saving the earth is imminent danger that prevents male ejaculation and female orgasms. But the premise of the song is a lie. Human are not threatened by climate change. Forest fires in California result from poor forestry management. Warmer weather has historically been a net gain for almost every civilization in human history. It means increased yields in agriculture. The song is also not premised in real chronology. America is the leading nation reducing emissions despite not participating in the Paris Climate Accords. China and India, the two nations specifically called out in a superficially endearing way, are the leading polluters. The ocean garbage we hear about is not from America. And the Paris Climate Accords wanted to give them money. These celebrities joined forces to shame people who are not threatened by that which cannot kill us is yet. The song celebrates debauchery.

The lyrics read as though written by a middle schooler after sex ed class. “Earth” is trash and Lil Dicky is untalented. I’ve posted the lyrics so that you do not simply take my word for it.

Lyrics

[Intro: Lil Dicky ]
What up, world? It’s your boy, just one of the guys down here. Well, I could be more specific. Uh, I’m a human, and I just wanted to, for the sake of all of us earthlings out there, just wanted to say:

[Chorus]
We love the Earth, it is our planet
We love the Earth, it is our home
We love the Earth, it is our planet
We love the Earth, it is our home

[Justin Bieber]
Hi, I’m a baboon
I’m like a man, just less advanced and my anus is huge

[Ariana Grande]
Hey, I’m a zebra
No one knows what I do, but I look pretty cool
Am I white or black?

[Halsey]
I’m a lion cub, and I’m always getting licked (Meow!)

[Zac Brown]
How’s it going? I’m a cow (Moo!)
You drink milk from my tits (Moo)

[Brendon Urie]
I’m a fat, fucking pig

[Hailee Steinfeld]
I’m a common fungus

[Wiz Khalifa]
I’m a disgruntled skunk, shoot you out my butthole

[Snoop Dogg]
I’m a marijuana plant, I can get you fucked up

[Kevin Hart]
And I’m Kanye West

[Chorus]
We love the Earth, it is our planet
We love the Earth, it is our home
We love the Earth, it is our planet
We love the Earth, it is our home
We love the Earth

[Adam Levine]
Ba-dum-da-dum-dum, ba-dum-da-di
We are the vultures, feed on the dead

[Shawn Mendes]
We’re just some rhinos, horny as heck

[Charlie Puth]
I’m just a giraffe, what’s with this neck?

[Sia]
Hippity-hop, I’m a kangaroo
I hop all day, up and down with you

[Miley Cyrus]
I’m an elephant, I got junk in my trunk

[Lil Jon]
What the fuck? I’m a clam!

[Rita Ora]
I’m a wolf. Howl!

[Miguel]
I’m a squirrel, lookin’ for my next nut

[Katy Perry]
And I’m a pony, just a freak horse, heh-heh-heh
But, uh, c’mon, get on (Yah)
Giddee-up, let’s ride

[Lil Yachty]
I’m HPV, don’t let me in

[Ed Sheeran]
I’m a koala and I sleep all the time
So what? It’s cute

[Meghan Trainor]
We love you, India

[Joel Embiid]
We love you, Africa

[Tory Lanez]
We love the Chinese

[ Lil Dicky ]
We forgive you, Germany

[Chorus: Lil Dicky, (Snoop Dogg), Meghan Trainor, Lil Dicky & Sia, John Legend]
Earth, it is our planet (It’s our planet)
We love the Earth (We love the Earth), it is our home (Home)
We love the Earth, it is our planet (It is our planet)
We love the Earth, it is our home
We love the Earth

[Verse 3: Lil Dicky ]
I’m a man (Hello?)
Can you hear me? (Anyone out there? Hello?)
I’ve trudged the Earth for so damn long
And still don’t know shit (What’s going on?)
I hope it’s not a simulation (Huh)
Give each other names like Ahmed and Pedro
And, yeah, we like to wear clothes, girls still look beautiful
And it covers up our human dick (Woo), eat a lot of tuna fish
But these days, it’s like we don’t know how to act
All these shootings, pollution, we under attack on ourselves
Like, let’s all just chill (Hey), respect what we built (Hey)
Like look at the internet! It’s cracking as hell
Fellas, don’t you love the cum when you have sex? (Ayy)
And I heard women orgasms are better than a dick (Uh)
So what we got this land for? What we gotta stand for?
Love, and we love the Earth (The Earth)

[Ariana Grande]
Oh, yeah, baby, I love the Earth
I love this planet

[ Lil Dicky ]
Hey, Russia, we’re cool
Hey, Asia, all of you, c’mon
Every one of you from the plains to the Sahara
Let’s come together and live

[Choir]
Hum-dum-dum-dae-dum, hum-dum-dum-dae-dum

[PSY]
우-우-우리는 지구를 사랑해요

[Bad Bunny]
Amamos la tierra

[Kris Wu]
我们爱地球

[ Lil Dicky ]
(We love you, we love you)
C’mon everybody, I know we’re not all the same
But we’re living on the same Earth
(We love you, we love you)

[Ariana Grande]
Have you ever been to Earth?

[ Lil Dicky ]
Everyone who is listening has been to Earth, Ariana
(We love you, we love you)
We’re not making music for aliens here

[Justin Bieber]
Are we gonna die?

[ Lil Dicky ]
You know what, Bieber? We might die
(We love you, we love you)
I’m not going to lie to you
I mean, there’s so many people out here who don’t believe Global Warming’s a real thing. You know? We gotta save this planet. We’re being stupid

[Ariana Grande]
Unless we get our shit together now

Final Thoughts- if you bothered to read through this garbage

This song also enhances the most pagan notion of love that is both superficial and unfulfilling. If you are interested in real love, know that Jesus suffered for our sins. Know that life has more meaning that the base desires presented in this song. God has a plan for those who know Him.

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Entertainment and Sports

Avengers: Endgame ending has leaked. Here are two reasons to avoid watching it.

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Avengers Endgame ending has leaked Here are two reasons to avoid watching it

Don’t worry. I won’t spoil the movie for you for two reasons. First, I haven’t watched the leak. Second, if I watched the leak, I wouldn’t be so cruel as to spoil it for anyone. I’m not Rosie O’Donnell.

What I will do is attempt to dissuade you from trying to find the ending. There are two important reasons to avoid it. The first is obvious. With the moving coming out in a little over a week, why would anyone who enjoys Marvel movies want to have the culminating movie spoiled for them? You’re almost there, kid. Wait it out.

The second reason is less obvious. Hackers love to take advantage of buzz. They find what people are trying to find on the internet, especially things like spoilers or pirated shows, and they use the interest as an opportunity to spread malware. This has become so common, those who are fighting hackers will do the same thing by hunting for trends and anticipating which ones are going to be hit by the hackers.

You can’t really trust anyone when it comes to fleeting interests like this. Even mainstream media sites have linked to what they believe to be a safe and innocent piece of content, and for a time it is. But once interest grows and traffic starts going up, hackers replace the original safe content with malware-laced content, hitting all the unsuspecting victims until their subterfuge is discovered. But by the time that happens, they’ve already infected countless devices.

Do yourself a favor. Wait a week and a half. It may be hard for some who are so desperate to find out if Captain America or Iron Man jumps on a Thanos hand grenade to protect their friends, but it’s worth the wait.

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Game of Thrones Final Season Episode One: Review and Predictions

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Game of Thrones Final Season Episode One Review and Predictions

If you have not seen the episode read this later. For those of us who have seen the episode, let’s proceed. HBO broke the Iron Bank spending upwards of $90 million on this final season, so how did the first episode turn out? Season seven of Game of Thrones was perhaps the worst in the show’s run, only possibly second to season five. The renowned wit of the first four seasons was dumbed down and replaced with nostalgia. Every character fast travels except the Others. What really made the last season worse was that the show fell into the standard good vs evil dichotomy which goes against the very spirit of the show. All the heroes and all the villains seemed to be on their respective sides, which is not how Game of Thrones is supposed to work. For all it’s flaws the seventh season was a masterpiece from a production standpoint.

Verdict: Episode one breaks free from the good vs evil but is undermined from excessive nostalgia.

A few positives are worth mentioning before we delve into the main takeaways. First, the Theon “rescue mission” was ended quickly. This was a bad story arc, simply due to lack of realism. However the show wrote ended it so swiftly before it wasted more screen time. Second, the new theme song which expanded upon the remaining locations where the show takes place. It’s worth noting that the Wall and Essos plotlines are indefinitely suspended. A few negatives. The show insisting that Raeghar Targaryen named both of his sons Aegon. Highly unrealistic, and possibly a ploy to work in the possible Targaryen, or Blackfyre, claimant in the books who arrives in the Stormlands with the Golden Company. The overbearing nostalgia was simply fan service and nothing more. The episodes best moments were when it was building to a future event instead of focusing on how great the past was. Is it just me or did Jon’s sword shrink? It’s a bastard sword which is fitting for his status, but it didn’t appear as such when Arya held it.

Northern Politics

One of the best written plot points from this episode was the politics of the North. The North remember. They remember the Kings of Winter and the Stark Kings in the North. They remember the King Torrhen Stark as the King-Who-Bent-The-Knee and Robb Stark as the King-Who-Lost-The-North. Most applicably, they remember what the Targaryens did to the Starks. With all this, it is unsurprising that the North rejects its new Queen. More interestingly, the North feels abandoned by Jon Snow. The situation is confusing. The nobles reject Daenerys but they do not know who is actually in charge. After all, they chose Jon Snow, not Sansa or the Targaryen claimant. Jon Snow’s position is ambiguous, as is his place in the new regime. Jon Snow serves a single cause, while everyone else looks beyond. the Northern plot intensified with House Glover abandoning the Starks to fight on their own. There’s a clear lack of leadership in Winterfell and perhaps it’s because Jon Snow is blinded by love. Or perhaps it’s because Sansa Stark is a pitiful wartime leader.

Logistics of War

Jon Snow has chosen to consolidate the forces of the North and Targaryens at Winterfell and make a first final stand against the Others. The little Lord of Last Hearth was sent to bring the remaining strength of House Umber to Winterfell. As the battle of the Bastards depicted battle most accurately in the show’s run, season eight depicts the logistics of war more accurately than any other. Winterfell has the largest army since those who fell in the Field of Fire, maybe larger. However, it is winter; the North is depleted from the first and second phases of the War of Five Kings. They do not have the means to put up a protracted siege. They must fight or die. The North cannot feed the dragons, though one wonders how it an keep the Unsullied or the shirtless Dothraki hordes warm. This seems reminiscent of Alexander the Great marching his great host across the desert from India at great costs. This was a high point for the show’s writing.

Southron Politics

Cersei predictably uses her cooch to maintain the alliance with the Ironborn. Euron Greyjoy reveals how uninterested he is in the politics of the realm, wanting sex and little more. Yara seeks to retake the Iron Isles. The Golden Company contracts with the Iron Throne. However the show, once again ignores the backstory of the Golden Company. They are exiles who have a long history of being on the losing side of Targaryen civil wars. The Reach, Stormlands, and Dorne are all irrelevant. An emotional moment occurred when Daenerys confronts Samwell Tarly, firstborn son of Randall Tarly who she controversially executed by dragon fire. The distraught Sam is then encouraged by Bran to tell Jon Snow.

Wars to Come

The highest point of excitement came when the expedition to Last Hearth found Lord Umber displayed in an murder tableau resembling the first scene in the first episode. This was the least annoying nostalgic moment in the episode.

Predictions

Game of Thrones has finally painted Daenerys as a flawed ruler, selfish and unworthy of rule. In the books, she is whimsically incompetent, as evident in Mereen. The show shields her from these struggles, mostly having Tyrion bare the responsibility for setbacks. Daenerys also cannot bare a child meaning her reign would have no closure. But perhaps closure will not exist. The Seven Kingdoms could very easily slip back into their autonomous rule. The Ironborn seem to anticipate such as Yara heads back to Pyke. The North relishes the opportunity to do it right this time. But should the Seven Kingdoms unite, as most kingdoms are too depleted to muster an army Daenerys seems unlikely to come out on top. She is owed three betrayals. The last one being for love. Initially, Tyrion seemed the most likely candidate, as Daenerys was warned against trusting lions. But Jon Snow betraying Daenerys is the first set up for this final betrayal the show has undergone. Another interesting tidbit is the Azor Azai story of the man stabbing his lover to forge the perfect sword. Jon Snow has a worthy sword and a love for the realm that could exceed his love for Daenerys if he were to stop thinking with his appendage. But this author is on Team Lannister backing the rightful Lord of the Rock, Tyrion Lannister, and whatever schemes he conjures to usurp the Throne.

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