There are a million relationship articles out there for nearly every kind of person out there in our society. Most of them are complete BS and the writers don’t know what hey are talking about. Others have advice that works only under the right circumstances, and hose right circumstances almost never exist. Weddings, engagements, dating, even (disgustingly) how to get the opposite (or same) sex into bed with no commitment. There is advice for nearly everyone.
One group seems to be left out, and I intend to address that here. That group is the average, heterosexual, single father who actually treats women the way they claim they want to be treated. I say “claim” because the experiences of my life lead me to believe it is just that: a claim, one that has no basis in reality.
Now, before I go any further, let me put forth this disclaimer: If you’re a woman you’re almost certain to be offended by this article. If you’re a guy that is very good with women you’re ALSO likely to be angry about this article because I’m spilling your secrets. My answer to all this is if you choose to read beyond this point then too damn bad. I’m not speaking about ALL women here, but much of it certainly applies to the vast majority I have known, even amongst those I still call friends. I’m sure feminists will accuse me of “toxic masculinity” for getting on my soap box, but they accuse me of that for being white, straight, male, and having the audacity to wake up in the morning so I don’t care.
You can choose to take what I have to say at face value or not, but regardless of your choice, what I’m about to tell you is the truth. At the very least, the facts and circumstances are accurate. My interpretation of them is of course open to debate.
I was married and then divorced 3 years ago. Before that I was engaged twice before, and I’ve had a couple of serious dating relationships in there. Full disclosure: I’ve had a few one night stands too. I’m not proud of this fact, but it’s important to my points. And no, I never didn’t call the next day.
I’ve long had more as many if not more female friends than male. I don’t know why, it’s just the way things have worked out. I’ve always been the one they come to for advice about their relationships or for a shoulder to cry on when it all inevitably goes south. The complaints I’ve heard have been as consistent as they are predictable. AA’s definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Women seem to go for the same kind of guy over and over, but still wonder why they get treated so badly. This is why I say the complaints are predictable.
Some of the complaints are comical, like when they’re distraught that the guy with a history of being a womanizer cheats on them. Or when (liberals usually) are mad because they can’t find a “real man” but they confine themselves to dating liberal men. Um… yeah.
Other complaints are just silly. They can’t understand why their man isn’t more intelligent or thoughtful but he was the captain of the football team in high school and he treated college like 4 years of a party. If I need to explain this one to you, the you’ll never get it.
Some women have actually been honest. They admit they, and most if not all other women, are looking for “security” in a relationship. That’s a nice way of putting it. I call it “gold-digging.” Not all of them necessarily need a millionaire, but they all dream of someone who is well off enough to take care of them. In exchange, they are willing to keep their boyfriend/husband happy by throwing them the occasional bone (please excuse the double entendre). PART of me wonders what the moral difference is (if any) between a “relationship” and prostitution. Intellectually I know it’s different, but I think men and women alike should give that one some thought.
Look at the “romance” novels women favor. They almost universally feature a guy who is fabulously wealthy. Or the woman in the story goes slumming for sex, but she’s married to a wealthy guy. The common theme here is they want a lot of money or it isn’t doing anything for them. Movies like “Titanic” are such crap. I’m real life the spoiled rich girl does NOT go for the poor guy, she goes for the rich guy who treats them like crap.
“Wow. That’s ugly. What the hell made this guy get to such a dark place?” many of you might be asking yourselves. Well, I don’t usually share this much about my personal life to the general public, but if it perhaps makes people stop their constant hatred of men for 2 minutes and makes them realize that being a horrid person is not confined to one gender then it will be worth it.
Both of my two fiancées that I didn’t marry got pregnant. Both hid the fact that they were married already from me. Both couldn’t tell me who the baby’s father was. The 2nd was finally determined through genetic testing to be my son, Andrew. The first, I believe is probably mine, but that little girl’s mother has more fairy tale stories than Hans Christian Anderson, and who knows what the truth is. Ironically I pursued it and wanted to be a father to that little girl if I was her father, but she had her hidden life she didn’t want to ruin. I say ironically because so many men would have loved to have gotten out of responsibility for a child. I’m not like that. I love my children, even if their mothers ARE psychopaths.
My ex-wife was very deceitful as well. She was one person when we were dating and another when we got married. Now, every married man reading this is silently saying “well no kidding” right now. This was different. She became abusive (verbally and emotionally) and later even physically. After we divorced she had another single mother living with her for a while who eventually moved out, citing the same issues I had with her (minus the sexual complaints, but I’m not going THAT far). My ex was so good at her deceit she had my own parents turned against me as well during our divorce, though they eventually admitted she had deceived them as to who and what she was.
Since my divorce 3 years ago I’ve dated a bit. Women are always looking for something different though. I’m always polite and courteous on dates. I pick up the check. I open doors. I pull out chairs. Sure, I’m sure a couple of them found this “condescending” and a sign of “toxic masculinity” but that just points to another problem. Others were obviously looking for a guy who makes more money.
My fellow Christians out there are screaming right now “meet a woman at church.” I have news for you folks: Women at church are just as bad if not worse. They’re all looking for the same things as the more secular women, but they often expect a guy in his mid to late 30s to have never been married and have no children. Ladies, if you are that age and expect that, then your problems are for more extensive than just church will cure; you also need serious psychological help, but good news is many churches provide that as well.
I’ve even tried long distance relationships. Yeah, those don’t work even in this age of technology. Not because they CAN’T work but because people aren’t willing to put the effort in. All relationships take a lot of time and effort, but in today’s fast-paced, instant-gratification oriented society, putting in even a little effort is too much for so many.
Dating apps are a joke. Your options are women who are morbidly obese with 4 kids and no job looking for you to rescue them, or catfish with a “sick uncle” or something who need your money before they can see you. Please. Does ANYONE actually fall for those? Clearly they do or they wouldn’t keep trying, but if you’ve ever fallen for that, please stop trying and don’t procreate. What am I saying? If you’re stupid enough to fall for one of those con jobs there is no way you’re smart enough to be reading anyway.
You spend time on social media and what do you find? Men are evil. Most men would rape a woman who was passed out (yes, I ACTUALLY saw that on Twitter today). Toxic masculinity (aka REAL men) are destroying the world. Donald Trump is toxic (he is) but Bill Clinton and Harvey Weinstein stand up for women.
Trump took a lot of heat for having said at one point that he gets women because he “treats them like sh*t.” Sure, that’s horrible, but based one what I’ve seen, he’s not wrong. This makes sense in high school when everyone is stupid, but as I’ve entered my late 30s I’ve come to find that most women have the same dating criteria now they did in high school, all the while claiming they want a guy who treats them right.
I went out with a friend from work the other night. I told her some of this and joke (though I wasn’t really joking) that I should make a parody show of The Twilight Zone.
*Rod Sterling’s voice*
“Imagine if you will a world where women are surrounded by guys that are exactly what they claim they want, but they keep dating jackasses instead. The women go to the nice guys they keep missing to cry about the jackasses they date. You have entered… the Friend Zone.”
*Intro Twilight Zone Music*
Me? I’m done. There’s plenty of nice women out there but they’re all taken or live too far away. It’s just not worth it anymore.
Old joke but poignant. Women are like parking spaces. All the good ones are taken. The rest are handicapped.
Sure, men are totally crappy too, but there are ten thousand articles out there about how bad men are, and they’re universally heralded by feminists as being courageous articles of truth, while this one will he decried as “sexist” no matter how true it is.
One reoccuring news article is the coming age of sex robots. I have been one of the first to make fun of these truly stupid inventions. However, in light of all I’ve laid out, I think I understand the appeal. I certainly won’t have any use for those things, but as Chris Rock said: “I understand.”
I’ve had female friends express a variety of emotions on the subject, from scorn to concern they might have an even harder time finding a man with the advent of personal robotics. Ladies, if you get replaced, it’s your own damn fault. Men are men, and those of us who are what you say you want, the nice guys who still know how to be real men, are completely sick of the way we’ve been treated for the last couple of decades.
If you want men for “security” don’t be surprised when some use their hard-earned security to buy something that doesn’t get a headache and isn’t going to have us help pay for law school and then ditch us as soon as things get tough. Don’t be surprised when you can find a guy, but he’s a little beta male who can’t even open a jar for you much less protect you from The evil in this world. And if you’re saying right now “I don’t need a man to protect me” that’s fine, but don’t be surprised when you can’t find a “real” man.
I’m being real with you right now. There’s at least one good guy you don’t have a chance with anymore. Think it through before friend-zoning the next one.
I’m sure quite a number of you don’t care what I have to say and will keep doing what you’ve been doing. That’s fine. But do us a favor and SHUT UP about how you can’t find a decent guy. This is all part of a much bigger problem, and that’s that Ian the complete decay of our society. THIS isn’t IS just one little piece no one else will explore because they actually want to date ever again. I don’t care anymore, which is enormously freeing if you want to write the truth.
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