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Life is complicated. Difficult choices are never easy to make, but maybe it doesn’t have to be as complicated as we adults make it. I don’t remember it being so difficult when I was a kid. So maybe the answer lies with our children…
When I’m watching over a group of kids at a birthday party, for instance, and Little Johnny comes up to me and says, “Mr. Alexander, Little Suzy is doing X!” (Fill in the X) I have been transformed into a judge at that point, and I’m judging the action Little Suzy has taken. You might think it would be difficult to determine what to do in this situation since it involves telling someone else’s kid what they should or shouldn’t do, but it’s actually very simple. Since I’m basically impartial here, I can quickly assess whether X action is hurting anyone else. If Little Suzy is throwing rocks at others, I will have to intervene. But what if Little Suzy is doing something less lethal, like building a castle out of playground mulch? Sure it’s a bit unorthodox and she may get a little dirty, but there’s no harm done. Are you seeing the lesson we grownups can learn here?
If I had to sum up my beliefs in a single sentence, it would go a little something like this… People should be able to do whatever they want in their life, as long as they aren’t hurting someone else in the process. Live and let live, right? If we live by this code, then the only question that ever needs to be asked is, “Does my action X hurt anyone else?”
Try filling in the X with an action… If I get a tattoo of Spongebob Squarepants on my forehead, is that hurting anyone else? Nope. People might look at me funny, but that’s my problem. Now try filling in the X with something more controversial… If I own a gun, am I hurting anyone else? If I do drugs, am I hurting anyone else? In both cases, the answer is not so clear. In the privacy of my own home, as long as I act responsibly, no, I’m not hurting anyone else. But… there’s still the potential that I could act irresponsibly. The act of owning a gun doesn’t hurt anyone, but if I don’t put that gun away properly, my kid or someone else could get it and hurt himself or someone else. Likewise, if I take LSD and go driving, I could hurt or kill someone else.
Of course, your interpretation of hurting someone else might be different than mine, so this is where the real debate begins, and why hot ticket issues are so fiery – because it isn’t as clear to everyone if X action is hurting someone else or not. It’s easy to say that you shouldn’t kill, because it’s obvious that killing hurts someone else. But what about abortion? What about smoking? What about war? When it’s difficult to determine if an action is harmful to others, it becomes imperative that we listen to both sides, and allow honest debate to happen. Key word there is honest debate.
An honest debate should go a little something like this… First, I explain to my opposition HIS position. If he says no, that is not my position, I must then listen and understand it. Only once I am able to explain his position to HIS SATISFACTION, and he does the same to me, can we begin the debate. You can’t oppose, nor argue against something you don’t truly understand. Unfortunately, that rarely happens today. Instead most people just dig their heels in and throw out catchy one-liners and ad-hom attacks. But we aren’t kids anymore, so let’s strive to do better, and set the example for the next generation.
So the next time you see in the news that Big Johnny is fiercely upset over X action Big Suzy is doing, ask yourself if X action is hurting anyone else. If it’s not easy to say yes or no, then it’s time for you to put your learning cap on, and listen.
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