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Based on a year’s worth of observation, we can safely deduce that there is at least one certainty in these strange time: the mainstream media’s coverage of the President’s policies and actions, in addition to those of virtually all Republicans and conservatives currently holding office, has grown increasingly bizarre, whacky, and unhinged. This pattern of peculiarity shows no sign of slowing. To the contrary, the clearly observable pattern of idiosyncrasy appears to be increasing at a frenzied pace.
Thus, in light of the $285 million cut in the United States’ United Nations funding negotiated into action by the Trump administration just a few days ago, I believe it is safe for us to assume that we are about to be bombarded with a barrage of MSM propaganda as the elite melt down into a state of apocalyptic hysteria. Okay, yes… so the United Nations Foundation has “technically” declared the United States of America to be “the world’s single largest humanitarian funder,” but that’s no reason to abandon the torch of resistance, rational cognitive processsing be damned. Poor things! It must be exhausting being the torchbearers of democracy (which dies in darkness, of course).
Therefore, a few of my colleagues and I at NOQ Report – combining our superpower of prognostication with our shared sardonic sense of irony – have put together a list of “headlines” to lighten the load of the perpetually heavy-laden MSM. Some of the propaganda “headlines” listed below are directly related to the US’s funding cuts to the United Nation, while others touch upon additional subjects. You can rest assured that we have taken special care to, in the best of our abilities, take into consideration the bizarre, the peculiar, and the extraordinarily unhinged thought patterns exhibited by so many in the MSM, and to extrapolate subsets of data to relate as many unrelatable topics into single headlines as possible. This, naturally, ensures “MSM authenticity” for implementation.
We did, however, deviate from the established pattern: we ended our list with a more positive headline.
Enjoy!
NOQ Report writers offer predictive headlines:
Impoverished women in [name any 3rd world country] deprived of access to ‘reproductive health care’ after US cuts UN budget – Paige Rogers
U.N. to double-down on anti-Israel resolutions following “unfair” Trump budget cuts – JD Rucker
Thousands of children in [name any 3rd world country] deprived life-saving malaria vaccines after Trump’s UN budget cuts – Paige Rogers
U.S. Sanctioned for War on Earth for Refusing to Ban Combustion Engines, Adopt Rickshaws – Eric Dixon
Nikki Hailey joins the global war on women – Paige Rogers
Wars will begin because of Trump’s UN budget cuts – Ben Wilhelm
American values at higher risk than ever before thanks to UN budget cuts – Paige Rogers
Women Fear Death in Childbirth after U.S. Cuts Family Planning Budget -Eric Dixon
UN budget cuts: Trumps makes America less safe again – Paige Rogers
Trump ignores the humanitarian crisis in [fill in the blank country] as he cuts funding to UN. – Konstantinos Roditis
Zika, Polio, Ebola: infectious diseases set to skyrocket across the globe – Paige Rogers
“Our Lives Matter Too!” Expelled Diplomats’ Kids Protest Trump, Shouting They Have Dreams Too – Eric Dixon
“You Don’t Understand, We Can’t Do These Things at Home!” Whine Topless Debutantes Protesting Patriarch – Eric Dixon
New Yorkers Cover Up Protestors, Claim They’ve Had It with Protests: “We’re Already in Therapy!” – Eric Dixon
S Korean Olympic games may be canceled due to Trump’s war rhetoric with North Korea. – Konstantinos Roditis
Peace negotiations with violent extremists, ISIS, deteriorate after Trump slashes UN peacekeeping funds – Paige Rogers
MANHATTAN ECONOMY DOOMED BY U.N. SHUTDOWN – Eric Dixon
“Who Will Buy Our Overpriced Cocktails?” Cried One Bar Owner – Eric Dixon
“Who Actually Drinks This S***!” — Working-Class Stiff from Queens – Eric Dixon
“We’ll Become — New Jersey,” Wailed One Club Girl In Between Selfies – Eric Dixon
Professor: world unprepared for asteroid strike after US cuts to UN funding – Paige Rogers
It’s time to take a knee for US soldiers endangered by Trump admin’s UN budget cuts – Paige Rogers
Mortality rates of mothers, unsafe abortions on the rise: UN unable to help due to budget shortfall – Paige Rogers
Trump Kills International Accountability of those Zionist Occupiers of Palestine – Trey Mays
Cuts in US funding to UN means Trans kids face greater risk of life without confirmation surgery – Paige Rogers
Honey bee extinction is becoming a reality after US slashes UN funding – Paige Rogers
NEW YORK SEES SURGE OF ASYLUM SEEKERS – Eric Dixon
Despots’ Daughters Cite Persecution of Hereditary Monarchies, Arranged Marriages – Eric Dixon
Claim They Seek ‘True Love’ — And Offshore Trust Funds – Eric Dixon
Because Equatorial Guinea Is Such a S******e, Says One – Eric Dixon
Trump Administration pushing for war with Iran. – Konstantinos Roditis
UN Condemns America For Launching Undeclared War on Women in Opposing Unlimited Abortion – With No Age Limit – Eric Dixon
After UN budget cuts, world population will be unsustainable by 2020, millions of plant species expected to disappear – Paige Rogers
Trump slashes UN budget, kills John Lennon’s dream – Paige Roger
Trump follows ISIS lead as UN funding cuts put UNESCO heritage sites in jeopardy – Tim Thomas
Trump just engineered Hitler’s dream: using cuts in UN funding to kill off the “unwanteds” through famine – Paige Rogers
Bubble Bursting: AIDS, STDs To Surge After Contraceptive Budget Cut – Eric Dixon
AIDS Expected to Skyrocket After U.S. cuts Asylum Hearings – Eric Dixon
And on a more positive note…
UNITED NATIONS EXPULSION FREES NEW YORK FOR NEW YORKERS AGAIN
— THE END OF RESTRICTED PARKING —
“We Can Park Again!” Exclaimed Long-Suffering Tenants
Our First Three Kids Were Conceived in Back Seat, Says Couple Who’ve Been Double-Parked Non-stop Since 1991
“We’re Really Sorry About Those Trees, But You Don’t Know What It’s Like to Hold It All These Years!” – Eric Dixon
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